What a difference a week makes!

What a difference a week makes! A week ago, I had delusions of grandeur. I saw the light at the end of the dark tunnel. I thought the fairy tale could actually happen. I saw a way to be truly happy, and it was standing right in front of me. But then just as quickly, I saw the rug pulled out from under me. She makes the choice that I so dreaded to hear. She wants space to figure out her situation. Me, in my typical cynical fashion, has taken that to mean she doesn't want me anymore. Things have become different. She's been distant, she won't see me outside of work, and I only make it worse. I've been a jerk, trying to convince her to see me, thinking if we could just spend time together, I could make it all alright. That she would see what we could be together if she'd just let it happen. And she gets frustrated even mad at me. I don't know what happened to make her flip the switch, but she has. And it is killing me. I want to fix it, but it's like water in a sponge. The harder I try to hold onto it, the more leaves. So I know I need to back off and let her situation run it's course. But it's so hard. I mean how do you ignore the one thing that makes you feel whole? When you see someone that you've been waiting your whole life for, do you just let her go? I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm having so much trouble. All I want to do is see her. Make her smile. Be the person she's always wanted, and fight like hell to make her happy every single day. But she needs time, so if I love her as much as I say I should give it to her. I just wish to God it bothered her half as much as it's bothering me. That she wants to call me like I want to call her. That she wants to be laying on the couch with me as much as I want her there. But I'm not sure she does. A week ago, I knew she did. Now I'm not sure. She tells me to give up on her, live my life. How can I when my life is empty without her. I hang out with other girls and it seems silly. I know I'm wasting my time. The only person I want to be with is the one person that I can't have anymore. And I have to see her everyday. I don't know if that's good or bad. Everyday I wake up and I long to see her, but when she's distant it only adds to the anguish. I'm a mess. This girl has gotten to me deeper than I ever thought anyone could. And I have to hold everything back. Ugh. Ok. On to work. Closing with her tonight. Hoping for a good day, expecting to get upset. Seems like a never ending theme. Well no matter what, at least I had an amazing few months, and I know what it means to truly love. Just wish it was last week again....