Good News, Bad News

Wow. Has it been 8 months? I guess that's good, means I haven't been so miserable about something that I felt the need to write it down. My life has been a roller coaster ride. Got "promoted" to Bar manager, switched stores and opened up a brand new restaurant. But the most interesting part is this: I've met the girl of my dreams. The girl I was meant to be with. The girl that is everything I have ever wanted in someone. A girl that can make me smile with her eyes, laugh with her smile, and make my heart leap with a kiss. We've spent the last couple of months together basically everyday, and the more I learn, the more I like. She collects coins (though she thinks it's corny), she writes poetry (though she won't show it to me), she sings disney songs. She makes me believe in every fairy tale romance I've ever read. Believe that love is possible (a difficult task considering my universal cynicism). When I'm with her, time stands still. And I never want it to end. I've never felt this way. I've been in love, incredibly deeply, but not like this. This is different. It's like when you hear someone tell a story and they say they KNEW they absolutely HAD to be with someone. It's like that. I have daydreams of having a family, of getting remarried (never thought that was possible) and doing all of the corny things I scoffed at in the past. So why is this titled "good news, bad news"? Because I can't be with her. She's taken. And as many times as she looks me in the eye and says I love you, it doesn't matter. Because she's with someone. I wrote months ago of a tale of two paths, one safe and the other a risk. In this situation, I'm the risk. I'm the one who she'd have to take a leap of faith with. And I'm really scared that she won't. And that will kill me. I know she'd be happy with me, I'd spend every day making sure of it. Yet she's hesitant. I don't know if it's a lack of faith in me, or she doesn't want to deal with leaving her present situation. I just know that it feels so right when we're together, and life seems perfect when she's in my arms. I never want that feeling to go away. But I can't make her pick me, and the more I try, the more she pushes me away. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and pray this works out, because it's really all I can do. But I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it won't, and I'll probably be hoping my entire life...