I guess I just can't get out of my own way. I know the right things to do, but refuse to do them. I try and be the good person, and it blows up in my face. I don't know what's going on. I wish I did. But everything I say turns into a fight. A one way fight mind you, but a fight nonetheless. Everything I do or say gets twisted. There's so much on my mind that I don't say, yet somehow I get in trouble for talking too much. She got mad at me today, because when she was obviously angry, I tried to cheer her up and asked what was wrong? I used to always say and do the right thing, now I always say and do the wrong thing. She's pushing me away. Won't let me in. And I can't figure out if it's because she's afraid of being close or if she just doesn't want me close at all. I just wish she would just be real, open up and say the truth. I don't care what that truth is, just as long as it's real. Say you'd prefer your husband. Say you want someone else. Say you want me, but want me to wait. ANYTHING! Saying nothing at all means I have to try to figure it out myself, and I don't have any answers. But if I ask, I'm starting a fight. I almost wish she'd tell me there was someone else. It would destroy me, but at least it would explain cutting me out of her life in so many ways. Right now I'm left wondering what the hell happened...
PS- I'm so disturbed that I sincerely hope that one day the 2 of us will look back and read this post and have a big laugh. Yeah, I need therapy
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