I purposely resisted the urge to write for the last couple weeks. Basically because it was getting tedious. I was getting sick of myself. Whining "why doesn't she like me?" everyday is so sad and pathetic I was going to beat the shit out of myself. Truth is, I had a love with her that could have been legendary. It was easy. Perfect. But it got screwed up. She didn't push hard enough to make it happen, and I got annoyed. I pushed too hard to make it happen and she got annoyed. And it's turned into nothing and that sucks worst of all. But I can't wallow about it, constantly living in the past. I can't keep waking up every day hoping that it's the day that she remembers how much fun we had together. That she remembers that I'm a great person, and a greater friend. She obviously has moved on and while that's unfortunate, I am helpless to change it. So I'm not going to be sorry that it's over, I choose instead to be grateful that it happened. I've felt an incredible love, as fleeting as it turned out to be. I felt deeper than I thought I could, and I opened myself up to someone in a way I never previously would. And if someday she does wake up and wants to spend time with me again, whether that's sexually or as a best friend or in any other capacity, well then I'll be thankful for it. Because there was never was a time that we spent alone that we didn't have an amazing time. And I miss that. But if it never happens, so be it. Life goes on. This isn't a fairy tale. Happily ever after doesn't exist, as least not for me. I just thought it could. I had hope, and that was a nice feeling to have. Maybe someday I can feel it again, but until I do I'll just be content for the moments I've had that have made me smile.