END OF AN ERA

I can't take it anymore. It's all over. My life as I know it has changed. She HATES me. I have no idea why. When we're together, she feels uncomfortable. Things are awkward, she's cold and distant. And I don't know what happened. She is all smiles and flirts with all the other managers. Yet with me, standoffish. I feel like the kid who was friends with someone in Junior High, only to get ditched for the "cooler" kids in high school. And the worst part is, if I try to make it better, she gets mad and pushes me farther away. I can't take it. Everytime I see her, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. And it's not because I want to be with her. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I know there's no chance for us anymore. Even if she came to me, I wouldn't pursue it. It's just that she was my best friend. The one I could turn to. About anything. She was my saving grace. She helped me. Made me smile in more ways than I can count. And now I have nothing. if I reach for her, she winces. Everything is so uncomfortable. I just want her to call me or text me and say that she loves me. That she always will be my friend. Come to me (instead of everyone but) when she has a problem. Miss me now that I'm out of her life. Is that too much to ask? I hate what happened to us. I hate that she took some thing perfect and spit on it (though I understand the reasons). I hate that she broke my heart and turned around like it's no big deal. I hate that she will NEVER call me again, unless it's to pick her up coffee or cigarettes on my way to work. I hate that I've become so unimportant, so replaceable. Not even she can deny what we had, how can she just turn it completely off? I spend half my time hopelessly in love with her hoping we could have been together and the other half wishing we'd never met. This hurts so badly. Seeing her all the time. All smiles, hugging everyone else. Or texting back and forth with someone at 3AM. That used to be me! I don't know what the next step is. I want my best friend back. I want to smile again. I want to make each other laugh. I want to know that if and when i text her, it's greeted warmly. Is that too much to ask? Apparently. Because she's so irate with me. The only thing I've been guilty of is caring about her too much. Why does that warrant this? Because I would drop everything for her. Because if she's upset I ask what's wrong and if she's ok? Isn't that what friends are for. She is the only person in the world that gets me. The only opinion I truly care about. And her opinion is that I'm annoying, smothering, and not worthy of her friendship. Awesome. I'm out of ideas. This will never get better, and my last shot at something great has blown up in my face. And I can't talk to anyone about it, because i have no friends left. And the one's I do have I can't tell. Just kill me..