Two Roads

Robert Frost wrote a poem called the road less travelled. In it he states that he took the road less travelled and that "has made all the difference". This is an extremely powerful poem, and particularly poignant to me. Because I have had that fork in the road. Many times I suppose, but one in particular stands out. It was about 7 years ago and I was dating a certain girl. Now my girlfriend had it all. She was in graduate school. She was building a life, not just hanging out living day by day like the usual people I come across typically. Especially in the restaurant business. She had a plan. She knew what she wanted. Had it all figured out. She had a family that loved me, and she was always pushing me to better myself. (A fact that I found cumbersome, yet happy that someone found me capable) Point is, she was everything I would want from someone I'd want to spend a lifetime with. And then I meet this other girl. She is nothing I would want from a future mate. She wanted to be an actress, she was more interested in partying and playing the field than planning for a future. She didn't know what she wanted, and wasn't sure she cared to know. But she had that something. We had chemistry. She GOT me. Got my humor (sometimes made the same joke at the same time). We had an obvious physical attraction. And we were so alike on so many levels it was downright scary. So I'm at a crossroads. What do I do? Do I follow my head and make the "smart" decision? Or do I follow my heart and see where this obvious connection leads? Well, to make a long story short, after a number of fights, heartbreaks, and sleepless nights. I went with my head. I married the "safe" choice. Because I knew she'd be loyal, and more importantly, I thought she would be "good for me". She'd push me to be better, and make me a better man. I could start my family and live moderately happy ever after. And THAT has made all the difference. It pretty much sabotaged the next 1/2 decade. With it came a move to Jersey, endless bickering, and even some nasty fights. The inevitable divorce soon followed....
So why is this relevant now? Because I've recently been reacquainted with the 2nd girl. We're both older, and a little more grownup. But it's all still there. The feelings that were swept under the rug have pretty much resurfaced. I mean how many times do you get a 2nd chance to make the right decision? We've spent a couple days together and haven't missed a beat. And I will forever wonder what would have happened had I taken "the road less travelled". Maybe it would have blown up because the timing was wrong or we weren't mature enough yet. Maybe it would have been amazing and I'd be 7 years farther along in what could be incredible. I don't know. What I do know is that I've wasted enough time already. I've constantly gone for the girl that was safe, that couldn't hurt me. They love me too much, or they're so nice, they couldn't possibly break my heart. And then they do. So I'm ready to take the chance now. Don't have any more time to lose. I just hope it's not too late. I know she feels it too, she's said so in so many ways. But this time, SHE has the boyfriend who is stable and secure and is the obvious safe choice. I fear since she's so much like me she'll make the same mistakes I did and I'll be alone....again. Would serve me right. ..