End of the Era

I'm home. It's midnight. I hate being alone this early. I'm drunk and my mind, as it does ever so often, is centered on the wrong girl. Well not the wrong girl, but the girl I can't have. Well I'm tired of it. I sabotage every "relationship" I have by being so consumed by it. I can't force the issue, I need to let things happen as they are intended. All I seem to do is push and whine when it doesn't work out. I've become a sad pathetic mess. Who could ever fall in love with that? I need to suck it up, grow up, and let things happen instead of pushing. I need to start being the person that people are initially attracted to, not the person that drives them away. If things are meant to happen, they will. But they definitely won't if all I do is sit around and cry about it. I need to come to terms with the fact that there's a REALLY good chance it will never happen. So I need to be ok with that. I can want what I want, but I can't sulk when I don't get my way. I'm not 8 years old. It's time to be the Dan I want to be and other people can like, or at least respect. So I am giving up. I'm moving on. Not onto anyone else, just with myself. I need to find the person I'm proud of. One that isn't angry all the time. Not frustrated, not on the verge of losing it. It's not that hard. I can do it...