C+

As I lay here, I'm thinking about a conversation I recently had with my ex-wife. In a nutshell, it came down to this: She is unhappy with her current boyfriend. He is unwilling to take their relationship to the next level. She wonders whether she should leave or compromise and be ok with less than what she wants, for it's better than being alone. We talked about this (knowing too well the irony) and my response was this:
There are basically 2 ways to go through life. The first way is a C+ life. What I mean by this is a life where you are never take chances. No risk, but no reward. You will always be ok. Average. You will not fail at anything, but you will never truly succeed either. Just go through life, never get hurt and be marginally ok. This way is so unappealing to me. I mean is that really living? But to some this is fine, because the chance of being hurt is too much to risk for an opportunity to be truly happy. I mean no one wants to fail, right? And I mean who wants to grow old alone? So maybe you want to settle for mediocrity and ensure at least a modicum of happiness.
The second way is the all or nothing way. You risk it all for a chance to get it all. If you want something, you go for it. You put it all on the line, you give it your best shot, but leave yourself vulnerable to disappointment and failure. This can lead to getting everything or nothing, with tremendous highs and lows. I told her she had to decide which person she was and act accordingly. Did she want to risk having nothing and be alone for the chance to find someone who wants the same things? Or should she stay with this guy who she cares about, and compromise what she wants out of life? I make it sound simple, but it's not easy. Being alone and taking a leap of faith is difficult. No one wants to take a leap and fall flat on their face. It hurts too much. So either way is fine for her, she just needed to figure out which way to go.
What I didn't say is that for me, there's no debate at all. No question. I'm the person who will risk it all for what I want because for me, doing otherwise isn't an option. I want everything, and I'll be damned if I ever look back on my life with regret that I didn't do everything in my power to be truly happy. I never give up on it, sometimes to a fault. Yes, I've failed. Countless times. Yes, I probably push too hard and it becomes counter-productive. But at the end of the day, I can look at myself in the mirror and say I tried. I gave it my best shot. Maybe it's not good enough. Maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe I do end up alone. Maybe I spend too much time way too miserable because of it. But I'll never regret it, because if and when it works out, it will all be worth it. And if that never happens, I won't wonder what if. I can honestly say I've put it all out on the line and fought to be happy. And for that I'm not sorry. Because I've had more amazing moments this way than I ever could hope for, with hopes of a lifetime more to come. But that depends on wheteher someone else is willing to take the same chance. And she's not yet. Hope she comes around. But if she doesn't at least I did all I could. I'll just be sorry it wasn't enough.