5 Years if...

It's funny how certain days get stuck in your mind. Well, funny may not be the right word. But the truth of the matter is dates never go away. It's good in that every year you're reminded of your past. Of course it's bad because every year you're reminded of your past. Well today's date has specific significance to me. It was the day on every invitation so expertly embroidered for our wedding. It's the day I got on that altar and said before God and all the witnesses that I do. For better or worse, rich or for poor, AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE. I guess I'm wondering if that makes me a fraud. Because I feel like one. Feel like a failure, like someone who can't uphold his responsibilities. Now I'm not saying I'm dying to be back with my ex-wife. Far from it. The last 2 years we were together were utter torture, and I wouldn't that on either of us again. But I can't help thinking that it didn't work because I didn't give enough, or try enough to make it work. I want to be the world's panacea, to fix everything broken, especially people I care about. So why do I make people so miserable. ....
Got interrupted in the middle of writing this by a phone call from my ex-girlfriend, who proceded to pick a fight with me just now. I mean talk about being on cue! I still have no idea what I did, but she decided to snap at me and make me feel like a piece of shit. This led to a mini-breakdown. I'm just so sick of being made to feel like I'm an asshole or annoying. All I ever try to do is help and be the perfect person. I'm not mean, I don't say hurtful things, I'm not abusive physically or mentally. I mean I could, I certainly have the ammunition. But I don't and don't WANT to. So why does that always get fucked up and twisted and I'm left feeling like I've done something wrong? If I knew what I did, I would fix it. I just am tired of being the doorstep that everyone shits on. My wife did it for years, my ex-girlfriend does it now, hell even my friend at work feels the need to get in fights over stupid shit. I just need someone who'll understand who I am, and not run away. Doesn't have to be a girlfriend, because I don't think I want one of those. Just someone to understand me. Is that even possible? They don't even have to agree with me, just know where I'm coming from. Is that so hard? I don't know, I just would like to believe such a person exists because it would really help if i had a hug right now...
Kind of went off on a tangent there. All I really want to say is that today is a day I will always remember. And all the good things and bad things that went along with it. But either way I'm glad I get the reminder...