The charade

I think I realize what's wrong with my relationships. Basically most of my relationships start because I make a pretty good first impression. I can be funny, witty, charming, and come across as an extremely happy, self-confident individual who has all the answers. The problem is: It's a charade. A fascade. A total misrepresentation of who I really am. I don't have all the answers, I'm certainly not happy, and self-confidence is not something that I have an abundance of. So, when I let my guard down and let someone in, it's not what they expected. I AM not what they expect. I'm false advertising, a lemon with a sports car exterior. Look good from the outset, but a broken down mess once you look inside. I try to be that person I pretend to be inside and out, to be someone people gravitate toward, not run from. But I can't. Can't fake it all the time, sometimes I have to let my guard down and be real. I wish to God someone somewhere existed who I could open to without them seeing me as weak. Someone who'll listen to my fears without seeing it as a character flaw. But I don't think such a person exists...