The Flu

I have so many thoughts running through my head that I really don't know where to begin. There is so much to talk about yet so little to say. My life has gone in so many different directions in such a short time I haven't really had time to absorb it all. But one basic thing I've learned is this. I am simply wasting my time if I attempt to get close to someone. It is simply a bad idea. And not even on my end. As not necessarily is a relationship way. It just seems like whenever I enter someone's life, their life gets worse. When I leave, it gets better. I'm like the flu. I enter, they're miserable. I leave, life is good. I just can't understand the why. I try really hard to be the best person I can. I would do anything to make people happy, yet it never works out. The last 5 girls I've talked to have had problems because of me. On one end it's my ex who was miserable with me and seems to be loving life now that I'm not around. On another end it's a girl who I become close with whose marriage becomes in jeopardy because of me. Then there's two other girls who have gotten into fights with their boyfriends because of their relationship with me. I swear I'm not trying to cause trouble. I just need a friend. And I don't have one. I just want someone to talk to without everything getting fucked up. Is that so hard? Well apparently it is, because I can't seem to get that to happen. I'm a fucking curse. I just wish it were easier to walk away and be a loner. Wish I could be content with other people's happiness despite the fact that it can only happen with me out of the picture. I hate it. I want to be the one people come to for cheering up, not be the one that brings them down. Why isn't there someone who gets me? Who I can share things with, without worrying about the inevitable misery that will follow. I need to be loved and i need attention. Yet I know it would be better for everyone if they never meet me. So should I be selfish and continue to fuck with everyone's life? Or do the right thing and stay out of everyone's way? Who knows..........