Looking Forward/Looking back

Today was the most interesting of days. It was my last day at my store (I'm transferrring for six weeks), so I really went into today thinking it would be a normal Monday, nice and easy, after which I would go home and be done with it. But life is never that easy. First of all, I had to do a shitload of work covering for my kitchen manager who's on vacation. Had no idea what I was doing, but I think I managed ok. But that wasn't even close to the most interesting part of the evening. First, I get a call from my ex-wife out of the blue. When I pick up the phone, I'm greeted with "Hi husband", which is strange since I'm not her husband anymore. She proceeds to tell me how she misses me and would like to see me before Christmas. Not that that's a mind-fuck or anything. We're still close so it's not as weird and creepy as it sounds, but still a litttle odd. Second, I didn't even hang up the phone for a minute when I get a text from my ex-girlfriend. Now she hasn't contacted me in over a week and i was pretty sure she had written me off as anything in her life. But we text back and forth and actually make plans to get together tomorrow. Ok, by this point I'm pretty sure that either God is totally fucking with my head, or I'm being punked in some way. But THEN I get a text from this girl I may have a bit of a crush on. We text back and forth and by now I'm definitely getting the feeling that it could happen. Trouble is, it's a lot like my last situation, and look how that ended up. Plus I just don't know if I'm ready to go through all that again. By this point it's just funny. It's like I was alternately reminded of where I could be going (this new girl/Kitchen manager) and where I've been (ex-wife, ex-girlfriend). My mind tells me to focus on the future, move on, move forward, leave the past in the past. Yet my heart hates giving up, and wants to fix something that probably can't be fixed because I do hate this feeling of failure that overwhelmes me. Truth of the matter is I know they both have moved on to new things and people, and I should too. I just want to be able to do it for the right reasons. Don't want to move forward to escape my past, want to move forward because there is something I want ahead of me. But if what I truly want is behind me, don't I owe it to myself to fight to make that work instead of giving up on something that was once so very real. But at the same point, it seems stupid to constantly be looking back, fighting a losing battle when there might be something better for me just up ahead. I just don't know. My head is spinning, I'm just so confused. I want someone to give me all the answers. The worst part is, whichever I choose, I know I'll wish I chose the other one. I'm just that fucked up. ....